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Personal, Thoughts

Trying Times

March 16, 2020
cup of coffee placed next to vintage postcards and book

Well, my loves, I hate to inundate you with content surrounding the same thing you’ve probably been reading about everywhere… but it would feel weird to not write about it. These days have been tough for all of us, I’m sure – Covid-19 has changed the course of 2020. And to be quite honest, I’m not bursting with positivity. I’d love to be, but truthfully, this virus craze has had me at my knees.

I’d like to be more rational and focus on the main issue at hand – our health and that of those around us – but I’m struggling. I kickstarted my freelance business at the end of 2019, and had really only just gotten back on my feet a week before the virus reached worrying levels. March was meant to be my highest-paying month ever, yet most of my planned projects and meetings folded overnight. My clients are struggling – we all are. And this is going to have nasty repercussions on the economy. Yes, I agree – our health comes first. But I’ve a hefty student loan to pay that won’t pay itself, and high self-employed social security figures that are really only accumulating, and these concerns seem to have swallowed my mind over any other. 

And health wise? Just a week ago, the news that I may have a rare tumour in my leg was confirmed. That’s the awful pain I’ve had for a while – and it probably is benign as otherwise, it would likely have killed me by now – but the medics aren’t sure. They’re not sure, and they’ll need to operate and test my tumour in a lab, but it won’t happen anytime soon due to the virus. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that my tumour might not be the most important thing at hand. But I’ve had very little opportunity to express my frustration at this, so my blog will take the hit. Whether my tumour is dangerous or not is a story of its own, but it is most certainly growing and on most days, the pain is unbearable. It sits right on my tibia nerve and limits leg function, meaning there are days when I’ll randomly fall, or limp to places. But it likely isn’t life threatening, and so if by any chance this could destroy my ability to walk if left in there for a while, then I’ll have to come to terms with that. 

I’m not writing this to initiate a pity party, but I suppose I write this to share my frustrations in my own personal space. I feel almost guilty for worrying about the above when I know plenty others have it far worse and have children to feed, or violent partners to be in lockdown with, but I think we ought to come together, vent out our frustrations and find a way to overcome them. I’ve got to be honest, I’m nowhere as worried about obtaining the virus myself. The only reason we all must take this seriously is for our loved ones, whose health might be compromised in some way. 

Despite the circumstances and troubles this will bring along, you must find comfort in knowing you’re not alone. This is the beauty in the situation – it has brought the world to unite on one same hope. Moreover, you must use this as an opportunity to plan ahead. These aren’t days that are meant to be spent binge watching movies. There will be repercussions at the end of this, so you must brainstorm your business ideas now, get down to being productive and inventive. Read educational books, watch informative documentaries and lessons online. Listen to the podcasts you never make time for. Plan. Build a routine and stick to it, even if from home. Take the time to master that craft you’ve had written on your bucket list for ages – perhaps it’s calligraphy, or your cooking skills. Get creative with your meals. There is absolutely no reason to hoard and stock up on ridiculous items as many people have seemingly done. Do the things that had somehow been buried at the bottom of your to-do list, but now need doing more than ever. It will eventually pass. 

Natalya Vukovic